The last time this many Germans gathered to listen to a charismatic demagogue, I seem to recall it didn’t end well.
The Barack Broadcasting Corporation gushes on its website, now indistinguishable from a teenage girl’s crushy-mushy Facebook tribute to Barack Hussein Obama, that The Holy One addressed 200,000 adoring fans in Berlin’s Tiergarten Park yesterday. They were, sighed Obama’s BBC cheerleaders, ”scenes reminiscent of a pop concert.” And Obama is reminiscent of a pop star in that he spent much of the early Eighties doing cocaine (a typical white drug).
Today, Jesus Obama visited France on the latest leg of his Second Coming Tour (“A fist-bumping success!” Fully booked, Berlin to London! Tickets still available: America.) This was a shrewd move. Why fight to be elected President of the United States when you can just touchdown in France and wait for them to surrender? (Maybe some of Barack’s new-found German friends will help with this.)
And ahead of the fifth Beatle’s arrival in Britain on Saturday, liberalbaiter has obtained a sneak preview of his itinerary for the day.
Obama for America: The World Tour
Saturday 26 July 2008 A.O. (Anno Obama)
London, England: Schedule
6.00am Get out of bed and help lift the sun up into the sky. Check the papers. Ensure coverage is four-fifths syrup, one-fifth gush.
7.00am A quick jog through Hyde Park. Cure sick, feed hungry, house homeless. Grab non-fat decaf latte.
8.10am Interview on BBC Radio Four’s Today programme. (N.B. Beware of interviewer James Naughtie; he might blindside with tough questions, such as: “Tell us again why you’re so brilliant.”)
8.30am On the GMTV sofa for a grilling from Kate Garraway. Topic: Highlights and the fortysomething man. Guest, Lorraine Kelly slot. Contestant on quiz: Guess the dildo.
9.00am Photo-op with local London religious groups. Campaign aide will keep the Muslims talking while pictures being taken.
10.00am Meet Prime Minister Tony Blair David Cameron Gordon Brown. Congratulate him on his first year in office. (N.B. Do not mention Tony Blair, credit crunch, opinion polls.)
11.00am Meet Conservative leader David Cameron. Congratulate him on Gordon Brown’s first year in office. Promise to strengthen ties/save planet. Joint cycling photo-op optional.
12noon Skip lunch. Power walk across the Thames (awe-struck crowd already booked). Address Guardian employees. Topic: Hating America Together. Appear on Afternoon Live on Sky News. (N.B. Keep fist-jab at ready, Kay Burley can snap.)
1.00pm Photo-op with homeless man. Bum will ask Sen. Obama: “Spare change, buddy?” Obama will reply: “That’s right, my friend. We all need change we can believe in.”
2.00pm Cutting ribbon at new Lambeth Transpersons Against Gender-Based Epithets centre.
3.00pm Find Madeleine McCann, alive and well. Return to parents. Give live TV interviews on the importance of families. Off the record, imply to journalists Republican National Committee stole Madeleine because she supported universal healthcare.
4.00pm Visit Hackney Modern YouTube Academy. Knife-proof vest advised.
5.00pm Meet Archbishop of Canterbury. Speak about influence of Christianity on your political outlook. If asked about gay ministers, to the best of your knowledge Rev. Jeremiah Wright is happily married. (Ahead of this meeting there will be a half-hour tutorial on Christianity: “Jesus: More than a Vote Winner in Kansas”.)
7.00pm Dinner with Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II in Buckingham Palace. Avoid the husband. Might ask you to shine his shoes.
9.00pm Drinks reception with Tony Blair. (Will need to arrive early to turn water into wine.)
11.00pm Quickly appear on a slice of toast in Middlesex to confirm faithful’s belief in Obama. Few hours sleep, hop on plane, and back to important business of pretending to love America.
